I felt like a fool. He then went on to say, Joe, it’s always appropriate to question another man’s judgment, but never appropriate to question his motives because you simply don't know his motives.
It happened early in my career fortunately. From that moment on, I tried to look past the caricatures of my colleagues and try to see the whole person. Never once have I questioned another man’s or woman’s motive. And something started to change. If you notice, every time there’s a crisis in the Congress the last eight years, I get sent to the Hill to deal with it. It’s because every one of those men and women up there -- whether they like me or not -- know that I don't judge them for what I think they're thinking.
Because when you question a man’s motive, when you say they're acting out of greed, they're in the pocket of an interest group, et cetera, it’s awful hard to reach consensus. It’s awful hard having to reach across the table and shake hands. No matter how bitterly you disagree, though, it is always possible if you question judgment and not motive.
Senator Helms and I continued to have profound political differences, but early on we both became the most powerful members of the Senate running the Foreign Relations Committee, as Chairmen and Ranking Members. But something happened, the mutual defensiveness began to dissipate. And as a result, we began to be able to work together in the interests of the country. And as Chairman and Ranking Member, we passed some of the most significant legislation passed in the last 40 years.
I began to commute thinking I was only going to stay a little while -- four hours a day, every day -- from Washington to Wilmington, which I’ve done for over 37 years. I did it because I wanted to be able to kiss them goodnight and kiss them in the morning the next day. No, “Ozzie and Harriet” breakfast or great familial thing, just climb in bed with them. Because I came to realize that a child can hold an important thought, something they want to say to their mom and dad, maybe for 12 or 24 hours, and then it’s gone. And when it’s gone, it’s gone. And it all adds up.
But looking back on it, the truth be told, the real reason I went home every night was that I needed my children more than they needed me. Some at the time wrote and suggested that Biden can't be a serious national figure. If he was, he’d stay in Washington more, attend to more important events. It’s obvious he’s not serious. He goes home after the last vote.
In their flattering invitation letter, they asked me to bring along a sense of humor, speak about my commitment to public service and family, talk about resiliency, compassion, and leadership in a changing world. Petty tall order. (Laughter.) I probably already flunked the first part of the test.
But with the rest let me say upfront, and I mean this sincerely, there’s nothing particularly unique about me. With regard to resilience and compassion, there are countless thousands of people, maybe some in the audience, who’ve suffered through personal losses similar to mine or much worse with much less support to help them get through it and much less reason to want to get through it.
It’s not that all that difficult, folks, to be compassionate when you’ve been the beneficiary of compassion in your lowest moments not only from your family, but from your friends and total strangers. Because when you know how much it meant to you, you know how much it mattered. It’s not hard to be compassionate.
All of which he opposed -- from paying tens of millions of dollars in arrearages to an institution, he despised, the United Nations -- he was part of the so-called “black helicopter” crowd; to passing the chemical weapons treaty, constantly referring to, “we’ve never lost a war, and we’ve never won a treaty,” which he vehemently opposed. But we were able to do these things not because he changed his mind, but because in this new relationship to maintain it is required to play fair, to be straight. The cheap shots ended. And the chicanery to keep from having to being able to vote ended -- even though he knew I had the votes.
After that, we went on as he began to look at the other side of things and do some great things together that he supported like PEPFAR -— which by the way, George W. Bush deserves an overwhelming amount of credit for, by the way, which provided treatment and prevention HIV/AIDS in Africa and around the world, literally saving millions of lives.
So one piece of advice is try to look beyond the caricature of the person with whom you have to work. Resist the temptation to ascribe motive, because you really don’t know -— and it gets in the way of being able to reach a consensus on things that matter to you and to many other people.
Resist the temptation of your generation to let “network” become a verb that saps the personal away, that blinds you to the person right in front of you, blinds you to their hopes, their fears, and their burdens.
Build real relationships -— even with people with whom you vehemently disagree. You’ll not only be happier. You will be more successful.
All of you have been part of this institution’s long tradition of advocacy and activism. Don’t leave it behind. Carry it with you, and take on this challenge to bring truth to light.
To help you get started, let me offer some quick advice for dealing with modern-day sophists who try to obscure – and deny – truth.
When those …when those in the political arena engage in name-calling and other schoolyard chants, and are trying to distract your attention away from the real issues and from their inability to address them or their unwillingness to put forward practical solutions – don’t be distracted.
When they tolerate attacks on minority groups, especially those who profess a faith that some find threatening, they are empowering those who traffic in hatred – don’t tolerate it.
When they denounce journalists as ‘enemies of the state,’ and declare any critical coverage to be ‘fake news,’ and dress up lies as ‘alternative facts,’ they are trying to fool you into trusting only the news that comes from their mouths – don’t be fooled.
When they exaggerate the risks we face from immigrants without talking about all the benefits they have brought to our country, they are preying on people’s fears – don’t let them get away with it.
When they tell…try to tell you who you can love, or even who you can be, they are either pandering for votes or playing God – don’t put up with it.
When they promise you a free lunch, or free college, or free medical care, or free income, remember that a bill always comes due – don’t let them pass the buck.
When they prevent speakers from being heard, by shouting them down or creating spaces where differing opinions are not permitted, they are trying to win arguments by bullying and censorship instead of facts and reason. Don’t let them suppress free speech even…even when you find that speech to be deplorable. Protecting their right to speak is the only way to protect your right to speak.
When people romanticize the past, just remember something my mother, who lived to 102, told me: the good old days were never that good.
the more you're thinking back to those original goals, the easier it is for you to get back up and say, "Alright, it might be difficult, it might be painful, it might be stressful, there might be no people that believe in me, but I believe in myself."
You know it might have been the case that you should have gone through that harsh break up, that you should have gone through that heavy loss, just in order to find something even better.
But the only way to get to that even better, is to get back up and work. To get back up and put yourself out there again. And arise from that again, stronger, better, smarter, ready to grasp that new opportunity.
You gotta believe the tables in your life will turn. That pain will become power, that weakness will become strength, and that confusion will become peace. Better things are coming for your life.
Everyday is a new beginning. It's time for you to start treating it that way.
There’s no silver bullet, no single formula, no reductive list. But they all seem to understand that happiness and success result from an accumulation of thousands of little things built on character, all of which have certain common features in my observation.
First, the most successful and happiest people I’ve known understand that a good life at its core is about being personal. It’s about being engaged. It’s about being there for a friend or a colleague when they're injured or in an accident, remembering the birthdays, congratulating them on their marriage, celebrating the birth of their child. It’s about being available to them when they're going through personal loss. It’s about loving someone more than yourself, as one of your speakers have already mentioned. It all seems to get down to being personal.
That's the stuff that fosters relationships. It’s the only way to breed trust in everything you do in your life.
Let me give you an example. After only four months in the United States Senate, as a 30-year-old kid, I was walking through the Senate floor to go to a meeting with Majority Leader Mike Mansfield. And I witnessed another newly elected senator, the extremely conservative Jesse Helms, excoriating Ted Kennedy and Bob Dole for promoting the precursor of the Americans with Disabilities Act. But I had to see the Leader, so I kept walking.
I’ve been lucky. And my wish for all of you is that not only tomorrow, but 20 and 40 and 50 years from now, you’ve found that sweet spot, that thing that allows you to get up in the morning, put both feet on the floor, go out and pursue what you love, and think it still matters.
Some of you will go to Silicon Valley and make great contributions to empower individuals and societies and maybe even design a life-changing app, like how to unsubscribe to Obama for America email list -- (laughter) -- the biggest “pan-list” of all times.
Some of you will go to Wall Street and big Wall Street law firms, government and activism, Peace Corps, Teach for America. You’ll become doctors, researchers, journalists, artists, actors, musicians. Two of you -— one of whom was one of my former interns in the White House, Sam Cohen, and Andrew Heymann —- will be commissioned in the United States Navy. Congratulations, gentlemen. We're proud of you. (Applause.)
But all of you have one thing in common you will all seek to find that sweet spot that satisfies your ambition and success and happiness.
I’ve met an awful lot of people in my career. And I’ve noticed one thing, those who are the most successful and the happiest -- whether they’re working on Wall Street or Main Street, as a doctor or nurse, or as a lawyer, or a social worker, I’ve made certain basic observation about the ones who from my observation wherever they were in the world were able to find that sweet spot between success and happiness. Those who balance life and career, who find purpose and fulfillment, and where ambition leads them.
I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just to let you know that, you’re not alone
Holla if you feel that you’ve been down the same roadYeah, It’s been a ride…
I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you out…You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ‘em
But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ‘em
Cause ain’t no way I’m let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don’t give a damn
What you think, I’m doing this for me, so fuсk the world
Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if a thing’s stopping me
I’mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don’t try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he’s still shit and
Whether he’s on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shit’s his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He’s married to the game, like a fuсk you for christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he’s got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt and fuсk the whole universe
Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuсk your fillings, instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
And to the fans, I’ll never let you down again, I’m back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let’s be honest, that last Relapse CD was “ehhhh”
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain’t going back to that now
All I’m tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain’t playin’ around
There’s a game called circle and I don’t know how
I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t
This fuсking black cloud’s still follow’s me around
But it’s time to exercise these demons
The second thing I’ve noticed is that although you know no one is better than you, every other persons is equal to you and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
I’ve worked with eight Presidents, hundreds of Senators. I’ve met every major world leader literally in the last 40 years. And I’ve had scores of talented people work for me. And here’s what I’ve observed: Regardless of their academic or social backgrounds, those who had the most success and who were most respected and therefore able to get the most done were the ones who never confused academic credentials and societal sophistication with gravitas and judgment.
Don’t forget about what doesn’t come from this prestigious diploma -- the heart to know what’s meaningful and what’s ephemeral; and the head to know the difference between knowledge and judgment.
But even if you get these things right, I’ve observed that most people who are successful and happy remembered a third thing: Reality has a way of intruding.
I got elected in a very improbable year. Richard Nixon won my state overwhelmingly. George McGovern was at the top of the ticket. I got elected as the second-youngest man in the history of the United States to be elected, the stuff that provides and fuels raw ambition. And if you’re not careful, it fuels a sense of inevitability that seeps in. But be careful. Things can change in a heartbeat. I know. And so do many of your parents.
Six weeks after my election, my whole world was altered forever. While I was in Washington hiring staff, I got a phone call. My wife and three children were Christmas shopping, a tractor trailer broadsided them and killed my wife and killed my daughter. And they weren’t sure that my sons would live.
Many people have gone through things like that. But because I had the incredible good fortune of an extended family, grounded in love and loyalty, imbued with a sense of obligation imparted to each of us, I not only got help. But by focusing on my sons, I found my redemption.
Here’s something else I observed -- intellectual horsepower and tolerance alone does not make a generation great: unless you can break out of the bubble of your own making -— technologically, geographically, racially, and socioeconomically -— to truly connect with the world around you. Because it matters.
No matter what your material success or personal circumstance, it matters. You can't breathe fresh air or protect your children from a changing climate no matter what you make. If your sister is the victim of domestic violence, you are violated. If your brother can’t marry the man he loves, you are lessened. And if your best friend has to worry about being racially profiled, you live in a circumstance not worthy of us. (Applause.) It matters.
So be successful. I sincerely hope some of you become millionaires and billionaires. I mean that. But engage the world around you because you will be more successful and happier. And you can absolutely succeed in life without sacrificing your ideals or your commitments to others and family. I’m confident that you can do that, and I’m confident that this generation will do it more than any other.
Look to your left, as they say, and look to your right. And remember how foolish the people next to you look -- (laughter) -- in those ridiculous hats. (Laughter.) That’s what I want you to remember. I mean this. Because it means you’ve learned something from a great tradition.
Actually, being Vice President to Barack Obama has been truly a great honor. We both enjoy getting out of the White House to talk to folks in the real America -— the kind who know what it means to struggle, to work hard, to shop at Kiko Milano. (Laughter and applause.) Great choice. (Laughter.)
I just hope to hell the same people responsible for Kiko’s aren’t in charge of naming the two new residential colleges. (Laughter and applause.)
Now, look, folks, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should day to you today, but the more I thought about it, I thought that any Class Day speech is likely to be redundant. You already heard from Jessie J at Spring Fling. (Laughter.) So what in the hell could I possibly say. (Laughter.)
Look, I’m deeply honored that Jeremy and Kiki selected me. I don't know how the hell you trusted them to do that. (Laughter.) I hope you agree with their choice. Actually I hope by the end of this speech, they agree with their choice. (Laughter.)
I’m so happy to be here on your day and all of your day. It’s good to know there’s one Yalie who is happy I’m being here -- be here, at least one. (Laughter.) On “Overheard at Yale,” on the Facebook page, one student reported another student saying: I had a dream that I was Vice President and was with the President, and we did the disco funk dance to convince the Congress to restart the government. (Laughter.)
Another student commented, Y’all know Biden would be hilarious, get funky. (Laughter.)
Well, my granddaughter, Finnegan Biden, whose dad went here, is with me today. When she saw that on the speech, I was on the plane, Air Force Two coming up, she said, Pop, it would take a lot more than you and the President doing the disco funk dance. The Tea Party doesn't even know what it is. (Laughter.)
Look, I don't know about that. But I’m just glad there’s someone -- just someone -- who dreams of being Vice President. (Laughter and applause.) Just somebody. I never had that dream. (Laughter.) For the press out there, that's a joke.
I want you to know that, no matter where you are in life… No matter how low you have sunk… No matter how bleak your situation… This is NOT THE END.
This is not the end of your story
This is not the final chapter of your life.
I know it may be hard right now
But if you just hang in there
Stick it out
Stay with me for a little while…
You will find, that this tough moment will pass, and, if you are committed to USING this pain, using it to build your character, finding a greater MEANING for the pain, you will find that, in time, you can turn your life around, and help others going through the same struggles.
I was raised by a tough, compassionate Irish lady named Catherine Eugenia Finnegan Biden. And she taught all of her children that, but for the grace of God, there go you -- but for the grace of God, there go you.
And a father who lived his motto that, family was the beginning, the middle, and the end. And like many of you and your parents, I was fortunate. I learned early on what I wanted to do, what fulfilled me the most, what made me happy -— my family, my faith, and being engaged in the public affairs that gripped my generation and being inspired by a young President named Kennedy -- civil rights, the environment, trying to end an incredibly useless and divisive war, Vietnam.
The truth is, though, that neither I, nor anyone else, can tell you what will make you happy, help you find success.
You each have different comfort levels. Everyone has different goals and aspirations. But one thing I’ve observed, one thing I know, an expression my dad would use often, is real. He used to say, it’s a lucky man or woman gets up in the morning -- and I mean this sincerely. It was one of his expressions. It’s a lucky man or woman gets up in the morning, puts both feet on the floor, knows what they’re about to do, and thinks it still matters.